Friday, Dec. 4, 1953
Dear degenerate younger generation:
How can I expect you to write me when I so seldom write you? Easy. I expect you to write every day, but I don’t hold my breath each day waiting for you to do so. Why? On account of I can only hold my breath for five days at a time. Then I get blue in the face and my eyes pop out…and roll around on the floor endangering the lives of passersby; eyeballs are slippery, almost as much as baanana skins. Two “a”s in banana, starting right now. How about baanaana? Or even baanaanaa?
Today, as you may faintly discern from the above, is Friday. I finished a rough draft of the script on the Air Force film and shipped it to the advertising agency: Dancer, Prancer, Donder, Blitzen, Fitzgerald and Sample. On second thought it must be Dancer, Fitzgerald and Sample.
Hey, you know why Emma and Gerald were so happy when they got married? ‘Cause Emma Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzemma.
I think the script looked pretty good. I enclosed some of my inimitable sketches and one and all here thought them jest divine, but how they will fare with Dancer, Prancer Dond—whoa! with the agency and with the Air Force remains in the ample laps of the gods. Those poor old gods must have the messiest laps, everybody tossing unsolved dilemmas into ‘em.
Good old Dilemma, often wondered how she made out with old Dilgerald.
Tomorrow being one day later should be Saturday, but these are troubled times, subject to change without notice as the lady said to her baby.
Oh boy, oh boy, tomorrow falls on Saturday!
One nice thing about my letters is that what they lack in clarity they make up for in lack of information.
If you removed Saturday and Sunday, Monday and Friday would snap together like a rubber band. Brother, the things that can happen to you under a Republican administration! Thursday is, of course, the shortest day in the week. Not the shortest day in the month mind you or the shortest day hour by hour, but unquestionably the shortest in elapsed time. Measure it some time. You’ll be surprised.
Emma and Gerald join me in sending our love. They wanted me to tell you that they are still very happy.
See you Friday